Father- I Want to Be Loved
For the longest time, I have always had the desire to be in a relationship and all that comes with it. Almost every girl has dreamed about being whisked away by their prince charming and live happily ever after.
During a mission trip to Zambia, Africa, I wrote this letter to Jesus to tell Him how I was feeling and one of my biggest desires. I felt called to share this because I believe that many girls feel this way sometimes.
Here goes:
“Dear God,
Father, I am sad. I do not know what brought this on all of a sudden but I do know why I am upset. I feel unnoticed. Average. Ugly (I’ll bet you’re tired of hearing that). An outcast. Alone (relational wise). I know that these things are not true and I need to trust in You but it’s so hard. I wish it was easier. I feel like a moth that crept into a house. Dealt with, but not wanted or needed. I feel mean, bitter, jealous, envious, discouraged. Overall, I feel beat and just a day after being baptized in the Holy Ghost. Why? This all seems so hard but needed. Father, I know that these are lies from the enemy. Father take these thoughts, my past experiences-EVERYTHING and throw them into a fire of love. Fill my heart with your love and your Holy thoughts so that I can live in your Truth and what you say about me.
{I desperately want to be cherished and loved. I want someone to be excited when they think of me and to go out of their way to make me happy even when I am sad. I want someone to tell me I’m beautiful and everything they could ever want. I want someone to love me when I fall and when it’s hard to love myself. Someone who never gives up on me and sticks by me through all my mistakes. Someone who will never leave my side even if I’m distant. I want someone to love me unconditionally without restraints or borders and to listen to everything I say and think. Someone to know me from the inside out in all my darkness and bring me light and joy. I want someone who can calm me in my storm and lift me up. Someone to love me for me and who I was created to be.}
Father, restore my broken heart. Heal me. Hear me. I pray for Your love to be flooded in my heart and outpouring. I pray that I can live in your truth and in Your Word. Father, take my heart. Mold it into a new creation. Everything in my life, I give to You. Everything, God- take it. Guide me and teach me your ways and teach me to love myself and love others as you love. Thank You for Your son who died on the Cross out of love to save the sinner that I was. Father, I declare Your Word true and that I am your daughter. Thank You for picking me up when I fall down. Thank You for peace and response when Your children cry for help, my God, my Father. Thank You for making me uniquely in Your Image. Fill me with confidence and release all fear and anxiety in my life now and forever. Help me to remember Your words and Your truth. I pray that you give me patience when you are preparing me for my husband (hopefully). Father, I pray that I become fully dependent on You in everything in my life. I don’t know what this next season or seasons look like but I pray that you would open doors and challenge me every step of the way. Father, I pray that You reveal your power to me and help me find my identity in You. Thank You for never abandoning me through every repeated problem and all problems I have & will face in my life. Thank you for being everything I could ever need.”
Everything I wrote in parenthesis were things I desired from a husband. After writing the last sentence, I realized that everything I wrote about were things that the Lord provided freely. It was an epiphany showing me that everything I could ever want from someone else could be found in God, and that I needed to go to Him for those things before even searching for it from a human. What a peaceful feeling it was to know that my Father in Heaven wants to know me so deeply and so intentionally.
Everything in parenthesis are things that the Holy Spirit WANTS to give us.
Over and over throughout this trip, the Lord revealed Himself, and truly showed me how much He loves me and how valuable I am.
I cannot imagine living another second not letting Him. He loves us so much more than we can imagine. He is waiting to cherish and lavish you in love.
Are you ready for so much more?
